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I work in a male-dominated field. There are a few men who greet each other with handshakes and use “mate” to address each other a lot. This is not extended to the female members of the team. The females don’t use an equivalent “babe” or “darl”.
It makes me feel excluded when I know I shouldn’t. They are lovely people doing something well-meaning, but at the same time it makes me feel uncomfortable as it is blokey and exclusive. I am the most senior woman of the team and know that some of the younger women think the culture is a bit of a boys’ club. Is this part of it?
I know you were a little bit hesitant about even sending your email to me, so I’ll start by saying a sincere thanks for having the courage to make your worries public (anonymously, of course).
I think your nagging concern about this situation is something felt by many people at work, especially when they know their colleagues are not being malicious and possibly not even conscious of how their conventions or customs affect others.
I spoke to Associate Professor Sue Williamson about your question. She’s an expert in the field of human resource management, and works in the School of Business at the University of NSW. She said that you have every right to feel uneasy about this.
“This is a manifestation of the boys’ club in operation. What appears to be friendly, innocuous behaviours can actually signal deeper workplace norms and power structures,” she says.
“Workplaces are highly gendered organisations, and gendered expectations are reinforced daily through interactions such as handshakes and calling each other ‘mate’, as well as through workplace practices where women are often expected to take on office housework, such as organising meetings, morning teas and other administrative tasks, while men undertake more visible and prestigious work.”
You implied in your correspondence with me that, although what you experience has a genuine effect on you and your female co-workers, you can see how, to others, it might seem incidental or unremarkable. Williamson said you don’t need to downplay the negative influence.
“Although these behaviours may seem minor, they help create and maintain social bonds among men. Those informal networks matter because they shape access to information, opportunities, mentoring and promotion. As a result, they can contribute to the continued dominance of men, particularly white men, in leadership positions,” she says.
“As the reader notes, these behaviours can also be exclusionary. Research consistently shows that inclusive cultures, where people experience a sense of belonging, benefit both employees and organisations. Exclusionary behaviours reinforce the ‘in-group’ and signal who is, and is not, considered part of the core group.”
Williamson said it was revealing that you mentioned in your question that you know you ‘shouldn’t’ feel excluded. “Women are often socialised to minimise or question their own experiences of exclusion, rather than recognising them as legitimate responses to workplace dynamics.
“While the behaviour described may be well-intentioned, it is worth reflecting on its impact. Training and discussion around inclusive workplace cultures could help team members recognise these dynamics and build a stronger sense of belonging for everyone.”
In any social situation – and certainly at work – groups form naturally. This isn’t a worry in and of itself. But when these collections of people, whether intentionally or not, calcify into a broad in-group and a broad out-group (or at least a peripheral group), people begin to feel, and to be treated as, separate.
The problem here is not the word “mate” or the handshakes themselves. It’s certainly not that people are being genial when they greet one another. It’s that, in the main, these friendly salutations – or equivalents of them– are not being extended to everyone.
That may seem unimportant from the outside, but if continually shrugged away, could turn into an “us and them” situation, a culture that few organisations would want to encourage.
Send your questions through to Work Therapy by emailing [email protected]
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