How are parents raising resilient kids in an age of constant judgement and conflicting advice? From gentle parenting to tough love, we hear from parents navigating generational differences, social pressures and childhood baggage. Watch Insight episode Modern Parenting on SBS On Demand.
Carmen (not her real name) lives in a two-bedroom apartment in Sydney with her 18-year-old daughter, who’s currently doing end-of-school exams. Carmen is happy in life and adores her daughter, but she’s quietly counting the days until she moves out.
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"When she was a young child, I absolutely loved being a mother," she told SBS Insight. "Now I’m feeling like her maid and I’m no longer feeling that warm maternal rush of, 'oh, I just want to look after her'."
Underneath it all is a sense that she’s given enough.
"It’s all about looking at the sacrifices that we’ve made as mothers for so many years and reaching middle age and saying ... Actually, I don’t want to spend my entire life sacrificing."
Having left home when she was 17, Carmen also believes fostering her daughter's independence is part of the job.
"If she's still at home with me in her late 20s, I don’t think I would be doing my daughter any favours."
Brisbane mum Amanda (not her real name) says she is "absolutely" looking forward to the day her three children leave home.
She had her first child nine months after finishing university, and she now has a 22-year-old, two teenagers plus a 16-year-old stepchild.
"My whole adult life has been about balancing kids and career. I just want some time for me," she says. "I've never seen my children as the central part of my life."
Amanda (not her real name) says she loves her kids, but she sees her job as turning them into independent adults.
"The longer they stay with me, the less I’ve done my job properly," she says.
She also looks forward to travelling outside school holidays, not driving kids around every day, and spending time with her partner without children, which she's never had.
"The idea of living alone and not having anybody else to disturb us is just the greatest joy to us."
That doesn’t mean pushing her children out. Her son is living at home rent-free while he saves roughly three months’ worth of rent, and she wants to help him do it.
But she says the thought of her children still at home in their mid to late 20s is "terrifying".
"I'd just want them out of my house."
Around three quarters (77 per cent) of 19 to 20-year-olds and almost half (48 per cent) of 23 to 24-year-olds live with their parents, according to an August 2026 Australian Institute of Family Studies report.
About 85 per cent of them say they’re concerned about housing affordability.
Social researcher Mark McCrindle says cost is a key driver of children staying at home for longer, though social shifts play a part too. Young people are studying longer, carrying more debt and starting their earning years, and their own families, later.
"We’ve institutionalised adolescence," he says.
"Plus parents these days are also a lot more relaxed. The children have a lot more freedom, and there’s not the same social stigma of living with parents well into their adult years."
For plenty of families and cultures, having adult children at home isn’t a problem to solve.
Professor Roger Wilkins, co-director of the annual Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia survey, says there are upsides. More young people can study, and their parents are "probably the wealthiest generation of parents yet and better placed to keep supporting their children into adulthood".
Parents interviewed by McCrindle’s team said that despite occasional tension, they value the connection of having adult children at home.
"It keeps that most important bond of family together right at the time that those young adults are about to move into that next stage of having their own kids."
However, children staying longer at home is a common reason for parents seeking support and "absolutely" puts more strain on parents and family dynamics, says the CEO of Relationships Australia NSW, psychologist Elisabeth Shaw.
"We see people who have real fears that it’s just too comfortable at home and are not really sure how this phase is going to end," she says.
There’s a "reluctant camaraderie" among parents in the same boat, which normalises the situation.
"It’s now, 'well, if I was a really good parent, I should be open to supporting and housing them for as long as they need me'."
Then there's the money — though Wilkins stresses the experience varies widely.
"Plenty of parents feel they need to support their adult children and are finding that quite a burden," he says.
Many families are keen to downsize from servicing a large family home, he adds, especially as rent and mortgage costs continue to rise.
Carmen would like to cut her hours, rent out her apartment and travel.
"I’m burnt out as a person," she says. "I do kind of feel stuck working."
Amanda and her partner rent a six-bedroom house in inner Brisbane and have a deposit saved to buy something smaller, but they want to wait until at least some of the kids have left.
"We don’t want to own a six-bedroom home, but you know, rents keep going up," she says.
McCrindle says the strain sets in when there’s no certainty about when young adults will leave, and it often continues even once they have jobs.
With life milestones arriving later, many parents don’t become empty nesters until their 60s, and they can find themselves caring for adult children and ageing parents at the same time.
"You have parents who are sandwiched in the middle from a financial, time pressure, relational and emotional burden perspective."
Shaw says many families dodge the 'when are you leaving?' talk because they’re afraid of upsetting someone.
"I can't tell you the number of people I’ve seen who are going silent because they feel bad for saying anything, but they’re stockpiling resentment," she says.
Often the strain comes from treating adult kids as kids, while the kids expect adult freedoms, she adds.
So how do you start the conversation?
"Begin with open questions about the future, like what your kids hope for after school, then share your own plans and ask how they fit," she suggests.
"It’s trying to talk to them as adults, but own your own goal."
McCrindle suggests going a step further and putting the arrangement in writing, covering duties, financial contributions and broader family commitments, with a review after 12 months.
Amanda says she's never explicitly discussed with her children when she expects them to move out "because that feels rude", but says she's been clear about her and her partner's future plans.
"We've talked about living overseas for a year when the kids move out and that they're welcome to visit us if they want to."
Shaw clarifies having children at home isn’t a problem in itself. It’s how the family feels about it.
"The questions to ask are, is the family in conflict? Are there silences full of seething resentment? Is someone in the family being held back? And is the young person failing to thrive in other aspects of their lives?"
For those experiencing guilt for looking forward to their kids leaving home, Shaw offers a different way to see the situation.
"Sometimes a push is actually a thing that we do as parents, and it’s a very healthy thing to do."
But knowing that doesn’t make it easy. Carmen understands the logic, and she still feels guilty.
"It's almost like life exists in these little chapters and I'm moving forward to a different chapter but I have to keep rereading the last pages over and over," she says.
"This is a beautiful young woman and I'm enjoying seeing her grow and thrive and I want to become her really good friend. But it's not quite there yet.
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