As well as meeting and interviewing all of the contestants, I also got to walk through each of the houses, like a landlord doing an inspection or a burglar casing a joint.
This was my first time ever getting to see any Block property in person. For a Block recapper, this experience must be what it feels like for a nun to visit the Vatican, or an anime fan to travel to Japan, or for a Married at First Sight recapper to visit a divorce lawyer – a pilgrimage of sorts. This is where the magic happens!
I couldn’t believe that I was standing on the very spot where Darren called an inanimate object “yummy”, or Wyatt got angry about a lack of oats, or Tayla got distracted and stopped painting. Magical.
My first impression was that the houses were much bigger than I expected – every week we tend to focus on one room, giving everything an unnaturally segmented experience. But these houses are huge!
Every so often they talk about raising families in them, which I now realise is less aspirational and more a safety issue, because a couple on their own might get lost in all the rooms and not see each other for a few weeks. Buyer’s note: perfect for a couple in an unhappy marriage who can spend all their time at different wings of their luxurious house.
I exaggerate, but combine the interior with their generous outdoor areas – especially houses 4 and 5 – and we’re dealing with a large space. It’s also important to remember I live in a one-bedroom hovel, so I might just be overwhelmed by the contrast.
Secondly, the much-vaunted view of the bay and city is absolutely as stunning as they say. When the judges bang on about orienting everything – the living room, the dining table, even the pool – towards the view, that just makes sense. Much like a spider in a room full of shoes, you don’t ever want to take your eyes off it.
Third, there are just a lot of taps in all the houses. Lots of taps.
I wasn’t allowed to ride up and down in the lift in this house, despite the fact it has all that beautiful wallpaper in it. I even promised not to yell “wheeeeee” as it ascended, but alas.
The most polished of all the properties, Adam and Jolene’s house felt not only beautiful, but cohesive. Unlike some of the other properties, it seemed that each room was designed with the entire property in mind.
Mostly it felt like I was visiting a grown-up family house, and despite the fact that I’ve been a grown-up for multiple decades now, it still gave me a feeling like I wasn’t allowed to touch things because they might be precious and breakable. That said, it also felt like a comfortable house, like I’d be a welcome guest as long as I used a coaster.
I’m also obsessed with the pops of green throughout their living space – the couch in particular looked like I could sink into it, while still looking chic.
Chantel and Wyatt’s House 2 looked like it was built entirely to host a dramatic dinner party in the Real Housewives franchise – the white, bright minimalism really does feature all through the house, mimicking what I imagine it would feel like if you woke up in the Antarctic after a horrifying plane crash. But instead of polar bears, there is plush custom furniture.
However, walking through, the house did feel incredibly airy and bright as a result – even with the mass of people packed inside for the open day.
The notes of colour and warmth that they did include leaned a little into the gaudy for me – the champagne-gold fixtures made me feel like a Bond villain was about to monologue to me while I was washing my hands, which wasn’t helped by the chandelier over the stairs.
But, for those who love to flaunt their wealth – or at least the illusion of it – I can absolutely see the vision.
I could see myself in crisp white linens, drinking a huge glass of chardonnay, staring at the storm-tossed ocean and planning revenge against the PTA.
What did surprise me is that many of the individual room features which I hadn’t liked in isolation absolutely made sense in the broader house, and were often stylistically beautiful.
For example, the pendant lights over the dining table on their own didn’t speak to me originally, but seeing them in the larger space, they were very lovely.
All the dark wood panelling in Lisa and Rosco’s house absolutely works for me – when a wealthy benefactor decides to give me many millions of dollars, this is the house I would buy.
I also think the nod to a little more moodiness makes it feel more “Melburnian” as a result – without sacrificing the bayside vibes.
The living area felt quite sophisticated to me, and as someone who can get sensorily overwhelmed by bright lights (in my last past life I was a deer hit by a truck on a dark night), I genuinely wanted to linger in the space.
It also felt like a family house, with the backyard, rumpus room and some of the bedrooms clearly suitable for children – or a pack of several spoiled dogs, whatever you want.
I loved the pool area a lot too. While many of the other houses aimed for “spa” style spaces, often with gadgets like saunas, I genuinely felt like I could relax around this pool with a book.
I love drinking wine, so when I entered House 4 through the garage, the first thing I saw was literally the most stunning wine cellar I’ve ever seen in a house.
The stylistic flourishes that Courtney and Sev have included are so noticeable – even though most of the houses share the same layout, House 4 has tweaked it all so subtly that it actually feels different.
The many curved walls were noticeable when walking around, too.
The rest of the house is obviously gorgeous, but can I live in the room made for wine?
Courtney and Sev have such a refined sense of style and design that it’s impossible not to be impressed by the entire house.
The way The Block edit has characterised Rick and Tayla’s design almost made me suspect I’d walk into a half-finished building site with exposed pipes and a family of belligerent possums nesting in the fireplace that looks like a pizza oven. But it’s great!
There’s a real sense of personality in the house – some of the styling elements which didn’t appeal to the judges really pop out and grab your attention.
Walking through House 5 is a bit like a scavenger hunt; there were always fun things to spot – a margarita maker, a cool bit of wallpaper, a funky basin.
I couldn’t find any pot plants under the desks, though, which was a shame.
The size of the house and outdoor area really sets it apart – and after chatting with members of the public, this helped make House 5 one of their favourites, too.
We could have a real dark horse on our hands here.
While I know who I’d like to win the show this year (friendship), I don’t think you can go past how refined and elegant House 1 is.
I think House 4 is the biggest competitor, however and could easily steal the win.
Always open for inspection, only on Domain.
Patrick Lenton Patrick Lenton is a journalist and author living in Melbourne. He is the Lifestyle Reporter at Domain.
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